The Pachydermian Candidate

Suppose you were a Republican mole who had managed to burrow his way into the Democratic Party. Suppose your chief objective was to destroy the Democratic Party from within. And suppose you managed to get elected president as a Democrat. What would you do?

Here are some suggested actions:

• Actively cover up your Republican predecessor's crimes.
• Pursue Republican policies like tax cuts, Romneycare, cap & trade, and "entitlement reform".
• Force Congressional Democrats to support these Republican policies.
• Ignore pressing problems like high unemployment in favor of nonissues like "deficit reduction".
• Refuse to abandon pointless, destructive wars.
• Establish a government program to encourage banks to forclose on homes.
• Make pre-emptive concessions to Republicans in the name of "bipartisanship".
• Fail to fight back against Republican attacks.
• Fail to push back against Republican lies.
• Fail to articulate a Democratic message.
• Fail to coordinate Democratic election campaigns.
• Allow Republicans to dominate the political discourse.
• Ignore repeated Republican vows to destroy you.
• Blame yourself for Republican intransigence.

While this list is by no means exhaustive, it can serve as a starting point. If you follow it, in just two years, you can completely alienate the Democratic base and erase a Democratic Congressional majority that required two election cycles to create. How you spend the second half of your term (and let's face it, after a performance like this, you're only going to get one) is up to you.