FAN #179: "One if by Land and Two if by Sea" by Johnny Pez

Up today at the Sobel Wiki are two more For All Nails vignettes.  First is #174: "When the Going Gets Weird" by David Mix Barrington, in which Dr. Thomas S. Hunter experiences fear and loathing in the FANTL analogue of Las Vegas; next is my own #179: "One if by Land and Two if by Sea", in which the leaders of New Granada prepare for their coming war with Great Britain.

"When the Going Gets Weird" was first posted to the soc.history.what-if newsgroup on 22 November 2002, and "One if by Land and Two if by Sea" on 2 December 2002.

FAN #168: "Pound Diplomacy" by Henrik Kiertzner

Up today at the Sobel Wiki, along with an article on Newfoundland, are two more For All Nails vignettes: #168: "Pound Diplomacy" by Henrik Kiertzner, is a sequel to #167: "A Message From Big Brother"; and #169: "Movement of Jah People" by David Mix Barrington, shows the reaction in Barbados to the impending war between Great Britain and New Granada.

"Pound Diplomacy" was first posted to the soc.history.what-if newsgroup on 1 December 2002, and "Movement of Jah People" on 2 December 2002.

FAN #167: "A Message From Big Brother" by Henrik Kiertzner

Up today at the Sobel Wiki are For All Nails vignettes #43: "Tails and Dogs" by Noel Maurer, in which Kramer Associates considers its bottom line in February 1974, and "A Message From Big Brother" by Henrik Kiertzner, which resumes to story of the Bali incident in January 1975.

"Tails and Dogs" was first posted to the soc.history.what-if newsgroup on 4 January 2002, and "A Message From Big Brother" on 1 December 2002.

On the coming civil war

So, the Pew Forum on Religion and Public Life conducted a poll a few weeks back, and one of its findings was that 34% of conservative Republicans think that President Obama is a Muslim.  This is more than twice the percentage that it was in October 2008, when a mere 16% of conservative Republicans thought that Obama was a Muslim.  As Charles P. Pierce points out, the reason so many people can believe something that is so obviously untrue is because some sociopathic right-wing billionaires have created their own alternate reality, a reality where Obama is a Muslim, global warming is a hoax, and black people caused the recession.  An awful lot of the people in this country live in that alternate reality, and that's why this country is headed for civil war, soon.

Maybe you think that sounds alarmist.  You look around, and it doesn't look like we're on the verge of a civil war.  Well, think about a couple of people living in America in 1856.  Walk up to a Northern anti-slavery man, and ask him whether he thinks the country is on the verge of a civil war, and he'll tell you no, of course not.

"But," you tell him, "what about all those Southerners who are threatening to secede if the country elects an anti-slavery president?"

"It's just a bluff," he would answer.  "They're just trying to scare us into backing down.  They won't really secede."

Now go talk to a Southern pro-slavery man, and ask him whether he thinks the country is on the verge of civil war, and he'll tell you no, of course not.

"But," you tell him, "if you secede from the Union, won't that provoke a civil war?"

"Nonsense," he would answer.  "Those Yankees wouldn't dare try to stop us from seceding.  They haven't the spine for it."

Two different people, two different realities.  Put them together, and you get a civil war.

And that's what we have in this country right now: two different, incompatable realities.  A house divided against itself, just like in the 1850s.  And it won't be too long before those two realities come into conflict, and then, just like in the 1860s, there will be a civil war.

FAN #166: "I Heard the News Today" by Mike Keating

Up today at the Sobel Wiki, along with an article on Samuel Adams, are two more For All Nails vignettes:  #39C: "Secretarial Privilege" by Noel Maurer, in which Vincent Mercator learns about the German missiles in Puerto Rico in January 1973, and #166: "I Heard the News Today" by Mike Keating, a news account of the events in #165: "And the Walls Came Down" in April 1975.

"Secretarial Privilege" was first posted to the soc.history.what-if newsgroup on 28 Decembe 2001 as #39-d, and "I Heard the News Today" on 18 November 2002.

Who will draw the short straw?

Now someone at the Romney campaign has to explain to Mitt who Borat is.  I'd feel sorry for them . . . if they weren't a member of the Romney campaign.

FAN #165: "And the Walls Came Down" by Mike Keating

The Sobel Wiki continues to expand, with the posting today of two For All Nails vignettes. First is #39B: "Tropical Paradox" by Noel Maurer, in which a Mexican spy operates in Puerto Rico in July 1968.  Next is #165: "And the Walls Came Down" by Mike Keating, in which anti-government radicals in the CNA take direct action in April 1975.

"Tropical Paradox" was first posted to the soc.history.what-if newsgroup on 26 December 2001, and "And the Walls Came Down" on 18 November 2002.

FAN #164: "Under Heartbeat City's Golden Sun" by Johnny Pez

Up today at the Sobel Wiki are two more For All Nails vignettes.  First, #37: "The Candidate" by Noel Maurer, in which we get our first glimpse of presidential candidate Immanuel Moctezuma in September 1971.  Second, my own #164: "Under Heartbeat City's Golden Sun", in which a popular music act performs in Manitoba in August 1975.

"The Candidate" was first posted to the soc.history.what-if newsgroup on 20 December 2001, and "Under Heartbeat City's Golden Sun" on 7 November 2002.

And heck, here's an embedded video of the Cars' "Heartbeat City" from 1984.

FAN #162: "Ashes and Action" by Mike Keating

Up today at the Sobel Wiki are two more For All Nails vignettes.  First is #28: "Sour Krauts" by Noel Maurer, a look at a cabinet meeting in the German Empire in June 1970.  Second is #162: "Ashes and Action" by Mike Keating, in which the Sam Adams Brotherhood plans a strike against the authorities in March 1975.

"Sour Krauts" was first posted to the soc.history.what-if newsgroup on 12 December 2001, and "Ashes and Action" on 6 November 2002.

FAN #161: "The Lesson" by Jonathan Edelstein

Up today at the Sobel Wiki are two more For All Nails vignettes.  First is #24: "That's Not Cricket!" by Noel Maurer, in which an Englishman is introduced to American-rules cricket in April 1972.  Next is #161: "The Lesson" by Jonathan Edelstein, in which a professor in Sierra Leone lectures his class in April 1962.

"That's Not Cricket!" was first posted to the soc.history.what-if newsgroup on 11 December 2001, and "The Lesson" on 21 November 2002.

FAN #160: "Hope You Guessed My Name" by Mike Keating

Now up at the Sobel Wiki are two more For All Nails vignettes.  First is #20: "A Day at the Office" by Noel Maurer, featuring Mexican businessman Robert Contreras having a bad day at the office in September 1971.  Second is #160: "Hope You Guessed My Name" by Mike Keating, in which Mexican spy Harold Pickett watches a man die in March 1975.

"A Day at the Office" was first posted to the soc.history.what-if newsgroup as vignette #19 on 5 December 2001, and "Hope You Guessed My Name" on 31 October 2002.

FAN #159: "Weakness is Strength" by Bernard Guerrero

Up today at the Sobel Wiki, along with an article on George Loring, are two more For All Nails vignettes.  First is #159: "Weakness is Strength" by Bernard Guerrero, an article from the 12 January 1976 issue of the Statist on copyright negotiations, and second is "Notes from the Investigation (Part 2)" by David Mix Barrington, a sequel to, you guessed it, "Notes from the Investigation (Part 1)".

"Weakness is Strength" was first posted to the soc.history.what-if newsgroup on 29 October 2002.  "Notes from the Investigation (Part 2)," however, although it was largely written ten years ago, appears today for the first time anywhere at the Sobel Wiki.

FAN #237: 'Truckers" by Carlos Yu

Up at the Sobel Wiki, we continue with the Bali crisis at For All Nails.  Up today are two vignettes, #153: "Notes from the Investigation (Part 1)" by Noel Maurer and Dan McDonald, in which President Moctezuma pays a call on the War Department, and #237: "Truckers" by Carlos Yu, a prequel to "Puputan", more proof (as if more proof were needed) that Carlos was the best writer in the FAN project.

"Notes from the Investigation (Part 1)" was first posted to the soc.history.what-if newsgroup on 14 November 2002, and "Truckers" on 16 April 2003.

FAN #193: "Apocalypse Soon" by Johnny Pez

Now up at the Sobel Wiki are three, count 'em, three new For All Nails vignettes.  Thanks to David Mix Barrington, we now have #151: "January Chill" by Noel Maurer, a companion piece to "The British Are Coming", and its immediate sequel, #152: "The Hotline" by Barrington and Maurer.  Also up is my own #193: "Apocalypse Soon", in which Kramer Associates sends a strike team to New Granada in mid-December 1974.  Not only does it act as a prelude to the crisis that began with "Puputan", it's also one of my favorite pieces of writing.

"January Chill" was first posted to the soc.history.what-if newsgroup on 7 November 2002, "The Hotline" on 14 November 2002, and "Apocalypse Soon" on 16 December 2002.

FAN #150: "The Britsh Are Coming" by Johnny Pez

Up today at the Sobel Wiki, along with an article on Frederick Buchanan, are two For All Nails vignettes: #11: "Chamber of Manufacturers" by Noel Maurer, a sequel to "Oil Markets", and #150: "The British Are Coming" by Johnny Pez, in which the rulers of New Granada receive a visit from the British ambassador.

"Chamber of Manufacturers" was first posted without a title on the soc.history.what-if newsgroup on 25 November 2001, and "The British Are Coming" on 1 November 2002.

FAN #148: "Happy New Year!" by Henrik Kiertzner

Now up at the Sobel Wiki are two more For All Nails vignettes, #8: "Oil Markets" by Noel Maurer, in which monetary policy in the U.S.M. spells trouble for Mexican businessman Robert Contreras, and #148: "Happy New Year!" by Henrik Kiertzner, in which the nations of Europe react to momentous events in Indonesia.

"Oil Markets" was first posted as an untitled vignette at the soc.history.what-if newsgroup on 21 November 2001, and "Happy New Year!" on 30 October 2002.

FAN #146: "Norwegian Wood (This Bird Has Flown)" by Johnny Pez

Up today at the Sobel Wiki are two more For All Nails vignettes: my own #146: "Norwegian Wood (This Bird Has Flown)", a sequel to "Bad News in Bogota", and David Mix Barrington's #149: "Uncle Torsten's Coon Dog", in which the Governor-General of the C.N.A. responds to recent actions by the Europeans.

"Norwegian Wood (This Bird Has Flown)" was first posted to the soc.history.what-if newsgroup on 25 October 2002, and "Uncle Torsten's Coon Dog" on 31 October 2002.

And it feels alright

Time for another embedded music video.  Today it's Luscious Jackson with 1997's "Naked Eye".

FAN #145: "Bad News in Bogota" by Johnny Pez and Noel Maurer

Up today at the Sobel Wiki are two more For All Nails vignettes: #145: "Bad News in Bogotá" by myself and Noel Maurer, in which the Prime Minister of New Granada makes a confession to his king, and #147: "Sunday Morning Tea" by Dan McDonald, in which members of the C.N.A.'s political class appear on vitavision to discuss recent events.

"Bad News in Bogotá" was first posted to the soc.history.what-if newsgroup on 25 October 2002, and "Sunday Morning Tea" on 28 October 2002.

For All Nails #311: The Burning City

For All Nails #311: The Burning City

By Johnny Pez

Burgoyne, Pennsylvania, N.C., CNA
15 July 1814

Thick smoke rose from across the river as Allegheny City burned.

Abigail Burgoyne, Dowager Duchess of Albany, stood upon the ramparts of Fort Pitt and watched the dark plumes rise up in the still summer air. She caught fugitive glimpses of men running through the streets of the burning town, a few of them settlers, most of them either members of the Burgoyne militia or of Chief Tecumsah’s army. The river carried the sounds of battle with horrible clarity: screams, gunshots, the war-whoops of the Indians.

Abigail heard footsteps on the wooden rampart, and turned to see her daughter-in-law approach. The Duchess of Albany had a worried look on her face, as well she might. Her husband – Abigail’s son – was the commander of the Burgoyne Militia. Somewhere in that terrible inferno over there, he was either dead, or still fighting.

“Have you seen Johnny, my lady?” Lady Emma asked.

Abigail shook her head. “Not since he crossed over this morning.”

The river ferry was docked at the last unburned part of Allegheny City, and Abigail could see people from the town stumbling onboard, some with possessions, most without. The ferry was just starting to become crowded, and the crew were preparing to cast off, when a party of Indians burst into view. There were more sounds of screams from the refugees, and more war cries from the newly-arrived Indians. A few of them fired at the ferry, but most raised their spears and war-axes into the air before charging down to the docks.

A sudden flurry of shots! The charging Indians came to a stumbling halt as several of their number fell to the ground. A second group of men came running from the burning part of the town, but this group was led by a man in the green uniform of a militia officer. Even from a thousand feet away, Abigail could recognize him instantly.

“Johnny!” her daughter-in-law screamed, and it was so. Abigail watched as more of the militia fired at the Indians, then charged them. The Indians fled back into the cover of the burning buildings.

The militia slowly moved back toward the ferry, keeping watch for more Indians, until the crew finally cast off and began rowing across the river.

By ones and twos, sometimes by groups of four or five, more settlers ran down to the docks, where Colonel John Burgoyne, Duke of Albany, kept his men standing guard. By the time the ferry had docked on the south bank of the Allegheny and begun discharging its passengers, over two dozen were waiting on the north bank for its return.

Would it return? Abigail intended to make sure it did. Lifting her skirts, she ran as fast as her constricting clothing and aging bones would let her, down from the rampart, across to the fort’s main gate, then down to the ferry terminal on Sixth Avenue. She made her way past the swearing, weeping refugees who stumbled ashore until she found the ferry’s captain.

That man, a Mr. Robinson, was giving orders to his crew when he saw Abigail stride up. “Lady Albany,” he said, “a pleasure, as always, but as you can see, I am a trifle preoccupied at the moment.”

“That’s quite all right, Mr. Robinson,” Abigail answered. “I don’t wish to disturb you. I only wished to inquire how soon you would be returning across the river.”

A look of alarm crossed Robinson’s face. “My Lady, I admire your courage, but I cannot allow you to cross the river.”

“I have no intention of doing so,” Abigail replied. “I simply wish to assure myself that /you/ will be returning, since I see that there are still a number of people in Allegheny City who require your assistance.”

Robinson gave Abigail a long look before sighing and saying, “As soon as the last of my current passengers have debarked. And yourself, of course, my lady.”

“Thank you, Mr. Robinson.” Abigail left the ferry and joined the fugitives crowding the dock until she saw Robinson’s men cast off and begin rowing back across the river. Then she turned and made her way back up to Fort Pitt.

----

The sun was low in the sky when the ferry made its final voyage across the Allegheny, with sixty exhausted fugitives, and the surviving members of the Burgoyne Militia. Abigail and Lady Emma were waiting at the ferry terminal, and Abigail could not blame her daughter-in-law for throwing herself into Johnny’s arms as he stepped off the ferry. Other members of the militia found themselves receiving equally fervent welcomes from their loved ones.

Abigail saw a woman looking frantically at the faces of the returning militia. She recognized her as Eliza Wilkins.

Mrs. Wilkins ran up to Johnny and said, “Colonel Burgoyne, have you seen Jack?”

Johnny’s face fell, as he said, “I’m sorry, ma’am. Lieutenant Wilkins didn’t make it.”

In an instant, Abigail was back in New-York, watching as a man in a Continental Army uniform told her, “I’m sorry, ma’am. Private Conrad didn’t make it.” Then she was at the ferry terminal, her arms around Eliza Wilkins as the woman shook.

----

“Where is that fool Harrison?” Abigail demanded.

“To the best of my knowledge,” her son replied, “he remains in Fort Radisson.”

Night had fallen over Burgoyne. The northern side of the capital was lit by the flames of Allegheny City, but in Albany House, facing the Monongahela, all was darkness. Abigail glared at her son across the sitting room table.

“Permit me to re-phrase the question, then,” she said acidly. “Why isn’t that fool Harrison here protecting us?”

“Presumably,” said Johnny, “he has more pressing business elsewhere.”

“The capital city of the Confederation is under siege by an army of Indians,” Abigail said. “There /is/ no more pressing business.”

“Mother, I’ve spoken with Sir DeWitt, and he assures me that messengers have been dispatched to Fort Radisson and Philadelphia with news of our situation. And we still have the militia to protect us. Fortunately, the Indians seem to have no boats of their own, so we should be safe here in the capital.”

“Safe until they build boats,” Abigail answered. “I wouldn’t put it past them. That chief of theirs is the very devil. Where is he getting guns for his men?”

Johnny frowned. “From the same place my men get theirs, from the arsenal in Springfield. Somebody at the arsenal is making surplus guns and selling them to the Indians.”

Abigail was stunned. “Are you certain?”

“As certain as I can be,” said Johnny grimly. “We captured several from the Indians during the fight. The Indians have always been able to get a few old guns here and there, made during the Trans-Oceanic War, or even the Rebellion.

“But this is different. They’ve got their hands on new ones, thousands of them, fresh from Massachusetts. That’s how they beat us at Twin Forks and Bloody Creek, I’m sure of it. Somebody at the arsenal thought to make himself a profit, and the people of Allegheny City have paid the price for his avarice.

Johnny was silent for a moment, then said, “When this business with the Indians is finished, I mean to see to it that those responsible are found out, and made to suffer the consequences of their actions.”

Abigail thought of Eliza Wilkins weeping in her arms.

FAN #144: "Where Are They Right Now?"

Now up at the Sobel Wiki is the immediate follow-up to "Puputan", For All Nails vignette #144: "Where Are They Right Now?", a collaborative effort by the entire FAN cabal to show the reactions of our various characters to Vincent Mercator's broadcast.  Also up is #163: "Sweet Sorrow" by Jonathan Edelstein, in which an exile in the Cape Kingdom seeks to return home.

"Where Are They Right Now?" was first posted to the soc.history.what-if newsgroup on 23 October 2002, and "Sweet Sorrow" on 1 November 2002.

FAN #143: "Puputan" by Carlos Yu

Now up at the Sobel Wiki is what is by far the most important vignette in the For All Nails project: #143: "Puputan" by Carlos Yu, in which former Mexican dictator Vincent Mercator makes a surprise announcement to the world. Apart from Carlos himself and FAN mastermind Noel Maurer, none of us in the FAN cabal knew what was about to happen.

"Puputan" was first posted to the soc.history.what-if newsgroup on 21 October 2002.

FAN #139: "It's a Nice Day to Start Again" by Johnny Pez

The Sobel Wiki begins returning to the present day.  Up today is For All Nails vignette #139: "It's a Nice Day to Start Again" by yours truly, featuring Princess Sophia's arrival in New Granada in October 1974 for her wedding to King Fernando.  Also up today is the final installment of Mike Keating's series on the outbreak of the Great Northern War in 1898, #196: "Never Give Up, Never Surrender!"

"It's a Nice Day to Start Again" was first posted to the soc.history.what-if newsgroup on 28 March 2003, and "Never Give Up, Never Surrender!" on 15 December 2002.

FAN #138H: "Anti-Climax" by President Chester A. Arthur

We've got more history at the Sobel Wiki.  First, For All Nails vignette #138H: "Anti-Climax" by President Chester A. Arthur, continuing the story of Sheriff Walker Bush in June 1949, and second, #190: "Going to California" by Mike Keating, continuting the start of the Great Northern War in 1898.

"Anti-Climax" was first posted to the soc.history.what-if newsgroup on 4 February 2003, and "Going to California" on 11 December 2002.

FAN #138G: "A Proposition" by President Chester A. Arthur

Two more historical For All Nails vignettes are up today on the Sobel Wiki.  First is #138G: "A Proposition" by President Chester A. Arthur, continuing the story of Sheriff Walker Bush in June 1949, and second is #178: "On the Border" by Mike Keating, a continuing look at the outbreak of the Great Northern War of 1898.

"A Proposition" was first posted to the soc.history.what-if newsgroup on 25 January 2003, and "On the Border" on 29 November 2002.

FAN #138F: "Caging the Beast" by President Chester A. Arthur

More history on the Sobel Wiki today.  For All Nails vignette #138F: "Caging the Beast" by President Chester A. Arthur, continuing the story of Sheriff Walker Bush in June 1949, and #177: "North to Alaska" by Mike Keating, a look at the outbreak of the Great Northern War of 1898.

"Caging the Beast" was first posted to the soc.history.what-if newsgroup on 26 October 2002, and "North to Alaska" on 27 November 2002.

Getting ready for the future

From PZ Myers comes word that South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley has cut funding for the South Carolina Commission for the Arts.  The reason why is obvious enough.  Depending on which faction of the G.O.P. emerges triumphant, in fifty years the USA is either going to be A) a feudal theocracy, or B) an uninhabitable desert.  In either case, there won't be any need for art, so Governor Haley is being proactive and eliminating art from the Palmetto State as soon as possible.

This is your future.

FAN #138E: "Ultraviolet" by President Chester A. Arthur

Another double dose of For All Nails history at the Sobel Wiki today.  We've got vignette #138E: "Ultraviolet" by President Chester A. Arthur, featuring Sheriff Walker Bush in June 1949, and #158: "Nightrain" by Walter R. Strapps, on the German army's logistical problems in the Global War.

"Ultraviolet" was first posted to the soc.history.what-if newsgroup on 25 October 2002, and "Nightrain" on 23 October 2002.

Vouchers for Jesus

Kevin Drum at Mother Jones takes a look at Louisiana's school voucher program, and it turns out that the whole point of school vouchers, that conservative cure for all that ails our education system, is to use taxpayer dollars to subsidize creationist Bible schools.

What a surprise!

FAN #138D: "Images of the Rainbow" by President Chester A. Arthur

Up today at the Sobel Wiki are two more historical For All Nails vignettes.  First is FAN #138D: "Images of the Rainbow" by President Chester A. Arthur, which continues to jump the shark, and second is #157: "Out ta Get Me" by Walter R. Strapps, discussing guerrilla warfare in the Global War.

"Out ta Get Me" was first posted to the soc.history.what-if newsgroup on 23 October 2002, and "Images of the Rainbow" on 24 October 2002.

FAN #138C: "The Second Attack" by President Chester A. Arthur

Up today at the Sobel Wiki are two more For All Nails vignettes: #138C: "The Second Attack" by President Chester A. Arthur, continuing the story of Sherrif Walker Bush in June 1949, and #156: "Rocket Queen" by Walter R. Strapps, on rocket technology in the Global War.

"The Second Attack" and "Rocket Queen" were first posted to the soc.history.what-if newsgroup on 23 October 2002.

26 + YEC = 1

Via PZ Myers comes this story of the UK's National Trust trying to be all fair and balanced about how the Giant's Causeway came to be.  In addition to the actual explanation (a lava flow 60 million years ago) and the traditional Irish myth (Finn McCool built it so he could attack a giant in Scotland), the newly-opened visitor's center built by the National Trust also includes the dumbass Young Earth Creationist explanation (Noah's flood).  It turns out the National Trust did this because the Caleb Foundation wanted them to, the Cabel Foundation being a group of evangelical fundies with close ties to the Democratic Unionist Party. These close ties mean that the DUP is actively trying to get creationism taught in Northern Ireland's schools.

I've always been neutral on the subject of Northern Ireland, but no more.  Thank you, Caleb Foundation.  Thank you, Democratic Unionist Party.  You've just given me a reason to support Irish reunification.

The new normal

So, it's supposed to get up around 100 here in Pittsburgh today.  This is sucky, but it's something I'm going to have to get used to, because this country's leadership doesn't seem to think that global warming is a very high priority.  The heat wave we're going through is going to become commonplace in the future.  It is the new normal.

Also, the unemployement rate (which as of two months ago included me) was stuck at 8.2%, where it has been for the last four months.  This country's leadership doesn't seem to think that is a very high priority, either, because they've spent the last three years ignoring it and instead obsessing about the federal budget deficit.  High unemployement is also going to become commonplace in the future.  It is the new normal.

FAN #138B: "The Darkest Colors" by President Chester A. Arthur

History Week continues at the Sobel Wiki.  Along with articles on Philip Harrison, Miguel Calhoun, and Armondo Santa Cruz, we have For All Nails vignette #138B: "The Darkest Colors" by President Chester A. Arthur, in which Sheriff Walker Bush has a bad day in June 1949.  Also, too, #155: "Welcome to the Jungle" by Walter R. Strapps, an excerpt from the Prologue of Total War: The History and Battles of the Global War, 1939 - 1948.

"The Darkest Colors" was first posted to the soc.history.what-if newsgroup on 22 October 2002, and "Welcome to the Jungle" on 23 October 2002.

FAN #138A: "Broken Regiment" by President Chester A. Arthur

Now up at the Sobel Wiki, along with articles on the Declaration of Independence and the Rainbow War, are two more For All Nails vignettes.  First is #138A: "Broken Regiment" by the pseudonymous President Chester A. Arthur, in which the sheriff of a small beach resort town finds himself facing a marauding shark.  Second is #154: "Necessity is the Mother Of . . . " by the nonpseudonymous Bernard Guerrero, an account of Mexican naval armament during the Global War.

"Broken Regiment" was first posted to the soc.history.what-if newsgroup on 21 October 2002, and "Necessity is the Mother Of . . . " on 25 October 2002.

FAN #135: "Undercover of the Night" by Mike Keating

Up today at the Sobel Wiki are two For All Nails vignettes in Mike Keating's Harold Picket series, #135: "Undercover of the Night" and #136: "If Dirt Were Dolares", the first posted by David Mix Barrington, and the second by myself.

"Undercover of the Night" was first posted to the soc.history.what-if newsgroup on 30 September 2002, and "If Dirt Were Dolares" on 3 October 2002.

Coming up next is President Chester A. Arthur's multipart historical vignette on the Rainbow War.  Stay tuned!

FAN #130: "There She Is" by Sir Francis Burdett

Up today at the Sobel Wiki, along with an article on Sir Alexander Haven, are three, count 'em, three For All Nails vignettes.  First is #130: "There She Is" by Sir Francis Burdett, reporting on trouble at the Miss Mexico pageant.  Next is my own #133: "The Mancunian Candidate", dealing with the intersection of politics and paranoia in the German Empire.  And finally, we have #137: "Hey Mister, That's Me Up On the Jukebox" by David Mix Barrington, in which we continue the tale of undercover C.B.I. agent Clarissa Forster.

"There She Is" was first posted to the soc.history.what-if newsgroup as "The Miss Mexico Controversy" on 20 September 2002, then re-posted under the current title on 25 September.  (Long story.)  "The Mancunian Candidate" was posted on 30 September 2002, and "Hey Mister, That's Me Up On the Jukebox" on 21 October 2002.

FAN #129: "The Language of Love" by Johnny Pez

Up at the Sobel Wiki today, in addition to an article on the War for Salvation, we have the return of Princess Sophia of Great Britain in For All Nails vignettes #129: "The Language of Love" by yours truly, and #132: "Confido in Fabulositate" by myself, David Mix Barrington, and M. G. Alderman.

"The Language of Love" was first posted to the soc.history.what-if newsgroup on 9 October 2002, and "Confido in Fabulositate" on 26 November 2002.

For All Nails #310: Unknown History

For All Nails #310: Unknown History

By Johnny Pez

From Joan Kahn, The Unknown History of the Hermión Assassination: The Gilpin Connection (New York: Justice Press, 1968), pp. 257-260.

[Editor’s Note: At the decennial meeting of the North American Historical Association and the Mexican Historical Association in 1965, it was strongly recommended that a critique be appended to any work written by a scholar of one nation about the other. In this way, biases could be recognized and a healthy dialogue fostered between historians of the two nations. Miss Kahn has agreed to the selection of Professor Herman Muller of the State University of Jefferson at Henrytown as its writer, with the understanding that she would have no control over its editing and content.]

Miss Joan Kahn is a radical political activist from Brooklyn City, in the Northern Confederation. She is the heir to a libertarian political tradition in that confederation that goes back to Jeremy Slater, to Franz Freund, and to the Continental Congress itself. It is a tradition that views the institutions of government in the C.N.A. with deep suspicion, and it is this tradition that Miss Kahn brings to her examination of the Hermión assassination.

As Miss Kahn notes in her introductory chapter, the assassination of President Pedro Hermión on June 19, 1851 was one of the seminal events in Mexican history. It was a crucial moment for the U. S. M., and for President Hermión himself. The country was locked in a life-and-death struggle with the Confederation of North America under its bellicose Governor-General Henry Gilpin, and both sides had recently suffered terrible losses in the First Battle of Williams Pass. Hermión was in the midst of his re-election campaign, and had just finished a special address to Congress in which he defended his administration’s conduct of the war, and pledged to lead the U.S.M. to victory.

Much ink has been spilled debating the question of how, or whether, Hermión meant to carry on the war. Throughout his first term, Hermión had been content to remain on the defensive, allowing the North Americans to exhaust themselves in repeated invasion attempts. His special address seemed to promise a new offensive strategy designed to bring the war to a swift conclusion. Whether Hermión truly meant to pursue such a strategy in his second term, or whether he was simply making unrealistic promises as a campaign tactic, will never be known. Mere seconds after concluding his address with the words, “We shall never give up! Our Cause is just!”, Hermión was shot and killed by Emiliano Zangora, a former member of the Presidential Guard.

Zangora immediately fled towards the back of the Assembly Chamber, shouting, “Viva Huddleston y paz,” but was shot by members of the Congressional guard before he could escape. His words caused suspicion to immediately fall on former President Miguel Huddleston, leader of the Liberty Party. The Mexican Congress convened a special commission chaired by Justice Carlos Fuentes of the Mexico Tribunal to investigate the assassination, and in its report published the following year, the Fuentes Commission absolved Huddleston of any involvement, and concluded that Zangora had acted alone.

The conclusions reached by the Fuentes Commission were controversial when they were released in 1852, and they remain controversial now, over a century later. To the Continentalist stalwarts of Jefferson, Miguel Huddleston’s guilt in Hermión’s death was so obvious as to need no proof, and the Libertarian leader remained a pariah until his dying day.

Alongside those who pointed their fingers at Huddleston, however, there was a smaller but equally vocal group who were certain that Gilpin was the puppeteer pulling Zangora’s strings. Her own radical heritage leads Miss Kahn to align herself with this second group.

The Unknown History of the Hermión Assassination is presented to the reader as a fresh investigation into an old mystery, but the book suffers from its author’s preconceptions. Ideally, in a work of this nature, the author looks at the evidence, weighs its reliability, and then attempts to draw conclusions, like a Constabulary agent investigating a murder. However, reading The Unknown History, one cannot help but come to the conclusion that Miss Kahn went through the process backwards, beginning with her conclusion, and evaluating the evidence with an eye toward making it fit that conclusion.

Much of The Unknown History deals with events in Burgoyne rather than Mexico City, with a particular emphasis on Governor-General Gilpin. Miss Kahn devotes an entire chapter to the political maneuvers that resulted in the ouster of Gilpin’s predecessor, Governor-General Winfield Scott. This is meant to add detail to the portrait of Gilpin that Miss Kahn draws for the reader, depicting Gilpin as an amoral schemer with a penchant for behind-the-scenes chicanery. Having established this view of Gilpin as a unscrupulous criminal mastermind, Miss Kahn is ready to lead the reader to her contention that Zangora was acting as Gilpin's catspaw.

Miss Kahn then brings onstage the mysterious figure of Vicente Mendoza. Like Zangora, Mendoza was a former member of the Presidential Guard. Mendoza left the Guard in 1847 to join General Michael Doheny’s army at the siege of Tampico, and it was in the course of the siege that Mendoza was captured by the North Americans. Mendoza spent the next four years as a prisoner of war in Mobile, Georgia, before being transferred to Prison Camp Thirteen in Braddock Field, Penn., N.C. in February 1851. Mendoza remained in Prison Camp Thirteen for three months before taking part in an exchange of prisoners in May and returning to the U.S.M.

Mendoza is the key to Miss Kahn’s thesis, for he serves Miss Kahn as a link between Henry Gilpin and Emiliano Zangora. Miss Kahn goes to some pains to establish that Gilpin visited Prison Camp Thirteen in the spring of 1851, while Mendoza was being held there. She is even able to document the fact that Gilpin spoke with one or more of the inmates at Prison Camp Thirteen before returning to Burgoyne. However, she is never able to prove that there was any direct contact between Gilpin and Mendoza.

Mendoza was transferred to Port Ashley, Georgia, in May 1851, where he and 450 other Mexican prisoners-of-war were exchanged with an equal number of North American prisoners. As Mendoza’s unit had been destroyed in the First Battle of Williams Pass, along with most of the other men of General Doheny’s army, he was reassigned to a recently-formed brigade in Mexico City eleven days before the assassination.

It was established afterwards by the Fuentes Commission that Mendoza had been in contact with Zangora, as well as with other former and current members of the Presidential Guard, in the days leading up to Hermión’s assassination. The commission, however, did not discover any evidence of collusion between Zangora and Mendoza, or indeed between Zangora and any of the other people he had contact with at that time.

It is a tribute to Miss Kahn’s persistence that she was able to discover an individual who knew Zangora, and who was also in the same building as Henry Gilpin three months before Zangora shot Hermión. However, there is nothing more to Miss Kahn’s “Gilpin connection” than this coincidence. She has no evidence that Mendoza persuaded Zangora to assassinate Hermión, nor has she any evidence that Mendoza ever had contact with Gilpin, and perhaps most importantly, she has no evidence that Gilpin sought, even in a general way, to have Hermión assassinated.

It is important to emphasize the tenuous nature of Miss Kahn’s evidence. Mexican readers of this book, in particular, may regard Miss Kahn as being more authoritative than she actually is, due to the fact of her being North American. Many of the details she provides of the inner workings of the Gilpin government will be unfamiliar to Mexican readers, and they may be inclined as a result to conclude that she has, in fact, uncovered previously unknown information. Nothing could be further from the truth. Her picture of the Gilpin government is the standard one found among anti-Gilpin historians in the C.N.A., most notably William Cocke's Caesar in Broadcloth.

The Unknown History of the Hermión Assassination: The Gilpin Connection is, in the final analysis, nothing more than an elaborate conspiracy theory of the sort that has been all too common on the subject of Pedro Hermión’s death. Miss Kahn is unusual in having the records of two nations to draw upon in constructing her theory, but that has simply given her more coincidences to weave together. The result is no more convincing than that of any other conspiracy theorist.

August 21, 1967

Herman Muller
Leslie Folger Professor
State University of Jefferson at Henrytown