See you in the Washington Post

The Washington Post, home to such ornaments of the punditocracy as George F. Will, Charles Krauthammer, and William "the Bloody" Kristol, is holding a contest to find America's Next Great Pundit. The winner gets a provisional weekly column for thirteen weeks, and is paid the princely sum of two hundred dollars per column. Well, I couldn't pass that up, so I've emailed off the following entry. I'm sure they'll find it irresistible.

Paragraph about you and why you should win (100 words or less)

I think you'll find my qualifications impeccable. I hate hippies, love torture, become sexually aroused at the thought of invading other countries, and every opinion I've expressed in the last fifteen years has proven to be dead wrong. I'll fit right in.

Opinion essay on a topic in the news (400 words or less)

The fact is, trying to negotiate with terrorist states such as Iran sends the wrong message. The only thing such rogue nations understand is brute force. Any attempt to reason with them will be perceived as weakness, and will invite an attack on us (or even worse, on our Israeli ally). Real Americans like Senator John McCain understand that.

Instead of trying to use persuasion or sanctions, or relying on assistance from other countries, Barack Obama needs to make it clear to the Iranians that failure to comply with our demands will result in immediate military action, up to and including the use of America's nuclear arsenal. Not only would military action encourage the Iranian dissident movement to rise up and overthrow their current anti-American government in favor of a western-style pro-American democracy, it would also demonstrate our resolve to other unfriendly nations and make them think twice about angering us.

Unless Obama rethinks his current strategy of appeasement, America will almost certainly suffer another terrorist attack like that of September 11. For the sake of the American people, Obama needs to take a strong stand against our enemies.

I figure I'm a shoe-in. I'll let you know when my first column appears.