The insidious Mr. "Obama"

So, not only did my previous post on the Birthers induce a state of Lovecraftian horror in my friend solnushka, it also managed to attract a comment from an actual (albeit anonymous) Birther.*

Anonymoose (as the other commenters have nicknamed him/her/it) casts doubt on Obama's status as a natural-born citizen thusly:

No where in either newspaper announcement do they mention the name Barack H. Obama Jr. It says Sr. and Mrs. had a baby boy. How do you know for a FACT that the announcement is referring to Obama? You don't.

These are deep waters, my friends. Let us unpack this statement to make explicit the components of Anonymoose's argument.

What Anonymoose is suggesting here is that Mr. and Mrs. Obama might have had two sons, the one mentioned in this birth announcement who was not Barack Hussein Obama II, and a second one, possibly born in Kenya or Indonesia or even Outer Mongolia, whom the world knows today as President Obama.

Now, skeptical persons might ask why we've never heard of a second son. They might even go so far as to ask what has become of this hypothetical elder brother. The answer ought to be obvious. Barack Senior must have sacrificed the older boy in one of his obscene voodoo rites (and don't tell me that it's the Haitians and not the Kenyans who practice voodoo -- let's face it, black people are all pretty much interchangeable), then brought Stanley Ann to Kenya to give birth to a second son in secret to cover up the fact that the first son had been cruelly murdered.

If Anonymoose's theory is correct -- if Barack Hussein Obama II was not the baby born in Honolulu on August 4, 1961 that the birth announcements mention -- then the implications are staggering. Not only might President Obama not be a natural-born citizen, he might not even be a Leo! He might be an Aries, or a Capricorn, or even, heaven help us, a Virgo! If Anonymoose is right, then our nation stands on the brink of an astrological catastrophe. Every aspect of American life that depends on the Chief Executive's astrological sign -- from rainfall patterns to our treaty with Zeta Reticuli -- is threatened by Barack Obama's fraudulent signage.

The evidence is all around us -- the volcanic ash, the oil spill, the flooding of the Warwick Mall. If Barack Obama remains president, we can expect total global annihilation to occur within the next two years.

Spread the word! The truth is out there!

*Maybe.