Name the terrorists

In the wake of the Paris attacks, the world is confronted with a dilemma: what to call the group that carried out the Paris attacks.

They might be the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria (ISIS), or the Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant (ISIL), or just plain Islamic State, or as the BBC calls them, the so-called Islamic State. Or Daesh.

Why Daesh? As Tyler Mears of walesonline notes, "Daesh" is a derogatory nickname the group's enemies have taken to calling them. "The terror organisation despises the use of the word, seeing it as derogatory, because it sounds similar to the Arabic words Daes, ‘one who crushes something underfoot’, and Dahes, ‘one who sows discord’."

So, if the group's opponents don't want them called the Islamic State, and the group itself doesn't want to be called Daesh, where does that leave us?

I suppose we'll just have to come up with a name for them ourselves. As it happens, Michael O'Donahue of Saturday Night Live once wrestled with a similar problem: coming up with names for fictional jams.  Following O'Donahue's lead, I've come up with four prospective names for this terrorist group:

• Nose Hair
• Dog Vomit
• Monkey Pus
• Painful Rectal Itch

Vote for your favorite in the comments. The winning entry will be emailed to media organizations and national leaders around the world, with instructions to use it exclusively to refer to the until-now-multinamed terrorist group.

Impeachment poll update with extra added Benghazi

Two months ago, I established the Johnny Pez Obama impeachment poll, asking blog readers which alleged high crime and misdemeanor the House Republicans would cite when they impeached President Obama at some point during his second term. A month ago, the poll was up to ten votes; since then, it has risen to eighteen.

As was the case a month ago, the Benghazi attack is leading the results, now up to seven votes. As was also the case a month ago, an equal number of voters believe Obama will make it through his second term without being impeached, while the remainder all voted for "something else".

And of course the Benghazi conspiracy theory remains in the news, with the latest wrinkle being conservative accusations that Secretary of State Clinton is faking her recent concussion and blood clot in order to avoid testifying about Benghazi.

My blog readers may be wondering what it is about the Benghazi attack that has driven conservatives into their current frenzy of conspiracy-mongering. I know it had me deeply puzzled. So I started looking into the conspiracy theories, to see what insight they could give me into the conservative mind.

The conspiracy theories are many and varied, but they all boil down to accusations that Obama could have prevented the attacks and/or wiped out the attackers, but chose not to. This actually makes sense, when you remember that one of the oldest right-wing Obama conspiracies is the "secret Muslim" conspiracy: the belief that Obama is, and always has been, a fanatical Muslim who was only pretending to be a Christian to further his fiendish scheme to Muslimify the United States of America. Add that in, and you can see what's going on. The wingnuts believe that Obama let the attack on the Benghazi compound take place because, being a Muslim himself, he wants the terrorists to win.

That is the unspoken assumption underlying the whole Benghazi madness: one of the weirder Obama conspiracy theories. Remember that the next time some wingnut brings up Benghazi, because it lets you know what he really believes about Barack Obama.

Impeachment poll update

Earlier in the month, I launched the Johnny Pez Obama impeachment poll, in which I asked this blog's multitudinous readers which alleged high crime and misdemeanor the House Republicans would cite when they impeached President Obama at some point during his second term. So far, the poll has garnered ten votes (which is about ten more than I thought it would get).

Reader solnushka pointed out that the poll ought to have an "all of the above" option, and I did promise to update the options as time went on, but, alas, it is not to be. It turns out that once people have started casting votes, Blogger won't let you change the options. So if the Republicans gin up some new scandal and impeach Obama for that, the "something else" option is going to get a workout.

Recent attempts by Republicans to block Susan Rice from becoming the next Secretary of State as part of their general Benghazi attack conspiracy theory indicate that Benghazi is still the frontrunning excuse for impeaching the president, and the Johnny Pez poll reflects that, with 40% of respondents choosing the Benghazi attack.

The Johnny Pez Obama impeachment poll

Some time in the next few months, the members of the just-elected House Republican caucus will meet to decide a question: what should they charge Obama with when they impeach him?  Because this is the logical next step in the Republican thought process.  They've learned that their attempt to demonize Obama as unAmerican was unsuccessful, or at least not successful enough to cost Obama a second term.  As we learned during the Clinton administration, impeachment is the next step.  So, what will they charge him with?

The current favorite wingnut conspiracy theory says that Obama did something-or-other-that-was-scandalous involving the Libyan militia attack on the U.S. consulate in Benghazi on September 11, 2012, and there are currently two groups of crazy House Republicans "investigating" it.  Right now, this looks like the best bet for an impeachment hearing.

Of course, there's also Solyndra Energy, a company that manufactured solar power panels that got a $535 million loan from the Department of Energy in 2009, then went bankrupt a year and a half later.  The GOP spent a couple of weeks in September 2011 trying to turn this into a scandal, but at the time it didn't gain any traction.  If the Benghazi attack investigations don't go anywhere, the GOP might try to revive this old nontroversy as a reason to impeach the President.

And of course, there's always one of the old Birther conspiracy theories available if nothing else will do.  Or maybe the GOP will manufacture a completely new scandal for impeachment purposes.

So at long last, the Johnny Pez blog is taking advantage of Blogger's poll widget, and the question for our hypothetical blogging audience is: what will the House Republicans charge Obama with when they vote to impeach him?  The poll is over on the right sidebar just below my iconic basenji, and voting will remain open until A) House Republicans actually hold their impeachment vote, or B) Obama leaves the White House.  If the GOP manufactures a new scandal in the meantime, the poll questions will change to reflect the fact.

UPDATE: an end-of-the-month update on the state of the poll is here.

UPDATE 2: an end-of-the-year update with extra added Benghazi is here.