Friday, October 26, 2007

Journalism Made Easy

"I'm not a reporter, but I play one in a FEMA press conference."

That's right, the Bushies, possibly embarrassed by the Jeff Gannon fiasco, have finally decided to cut out the middleman and have the government officials themselves ask the questions at press conferences.

One can see where this is leading. Someday, in the not-too-distant future, all reporters will be banned from press conferences, and the press secretaries will ask as well as answer all the questions.

It should make for a much more efficient process.

UPDATE: Jen Clark, my first ever commenter, notes that the FEMA presser itself was an exercise in unnecessity, since FEMA didn't actually do much during the SoCal wildfires. So, to recap: they held a fake press conference to announce insignificant measures. Jen thinks this is a sign of overwhelming stupidity, but I think it's more sinister. This is what happens when the people running the government know they won't suffer any penalty when they do something wrong. As proof, I offer this: John "Pat" Philbin, one of the FEMA employees-turned-fake-reporters, has received a lateral promotion to head of public affairs at the Office of the Director of National Intelligence.

UPDATE 2: Like a demon from a medieval grimoire, apparently speaking Jeff Gannon's name causes him to appear in a flash of fire and brimstone. Unlike a medieval demon, however, instead of trying to eat your soul, Gannon just deposits long rants full of lame-ass right-wing talking points in your comments section. Sic transit gloria mundi.

UPDATE 3: In her latest blog post, Jen Clark reminds us just how breathtakingly awful FEMA still is two years after Katrina.


Jennifer Briney said...

The funny thing is that it was a press conference that didn't even matter. FEMA has almost nothing to do in the case of a forest fire, and even if they did, California was already on top of it (I love my state!)

If they had just been cool with the press, given them more then 15 minutes to get there, and taken their questions, no one would even be talking about FEMA.

No heat is the best kind, right?

Morons. They can't even get something right right anymore.

Anonymous said...

Old Media Ablaze Over Staged FEMA Presser

Liberal activists and the Old Media are aghast and outraged over a press conference conducted last Tuesday by the Federal Emergency Management Agency. Reporters were only able to listen to a department spokesman respond to questions about relief efforts for the California wildfires posed by other members of the FEMA staff. Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff appropriately chastised the sham press conference and promised an investigation and disciplinary action and the White House expressed its displeasure with the incident.

Surely no one at FEMA believed that the staged event would not immediately be discovered and criticized. What could the motivation have been for such a stunt? Perhaps FEMA wanted an opportunity to present its version of events before the Old Media created its own reality about the fires and the actions of the agency. News consumers had already listened to reporters making comparisons to the federal response to Hurricane Katrina and attempting to find fault with the handling of relief efforts. California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger had to take ABC’s Claire Shipman by the hand to convince her that everything possible was being done and that she should stop trying to invent mistakes and shortcomings. Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid and other environuts demagogued the tragedy as evidence of the effect of global warming, while California Democrats like Sen. Barbara Boxer and Lt. Governor John Garamendi incorrectly claimed that relief efforts were impeded by having troops and equipment in Iraq.

One of the lessons learned in the wake of Katrina is how the unaccountable Old Media are able to create a false impression that their ideological soul mates in the Democratic Party use for political advantage. In my book, “The Great Media War: A Battlefield Report”, I detail the flawed coverage of one of the greatest natural disasters in American history – a record that has yet to be corrected.

When I learned of the fake news conference, I expected that the characterization of Jeff Gannon as a “phony reporter” would be revived. Liberal media activist Keith Olbermann noted it on his nightly train wreck of a talk show and the lefties of the blogosphere dutifully repeated it ad nauseum. This is a classic case of how a lie becomes reality, since the record proves otherwise. I was as real as a reporter gets, writing over 500 articles as a White House correspondent, a job that Secret Service records indicate I actually showed up for more than 200 times over the course of two years. The veracity of my work as a reporter has never been successfully challenged.

Further, in 2006 – a year after my supposed exposure as a “phony reporter” - my peers accepted me into the National Press Club, the most prestigious association of professional journalists in the world. My book about the media will be featured at the National Press Club’s 30th annual book fair on November 1. Not bad for a “fake, fraud and phony.”

Johnny Pez said...

Wow! An actual comment from JimJeff GannonGuckert on my own humble little blog! I feel honored! And soiled! Both at once!

Say, JimJeff, do you do google searches for your name every day? That is so mindbogglingly pathetic that pathos itself seems not-so-pathetic by comparison.

Jennifer Briney said...

Hey Johnny - thanks for the shout out!

It's pretty cool that you are already getting propaganda on your blog. You must have really hit a nerve.

Congratulations! Wear that right-wing rambling comment as a badge of honor.

You know what the funniest part is... I don't even know who Jeff Gannon is.

Johnny Pez said...

Follow the "Jeff Gannon fiasco" link in the original post. That'll give you the basics.

And glad to oblige. We fifth-tier bloggers have to stick together.