Ever since Barack Obama became a leading candidate for the presidency, conspiracy theories have been swirling around the internet. Theories that Obama was involved in violent anti-apartheid protests in college, that Obama's autobiography was ghost-written by a domestic terrorist, that Obama's wife gave an angry anti-white interview to an African press agency, that Obama's wife forced him to exile his mistress to the Caribbean, that Obama's wife was videotaped denouncing white people, that Obama's birth certificate is a forgery designed to disguise that fact that he isn't an American citizen, that Obama was the son of Malcolm X, that Obama had an affair with/was raped by a pedophile at age nine, that Obama had a gay quicky with a drug dealer, and that Obama was a secret Muslim.
Well, it turns out all of that was just a smokescreen laid down by the Obama team itself, in order to disguise the real truth, the really true truth, about our current president. The birth certificate rumors were particularly important in disguising the truth, because they led to countless attempts to prove that Obama's birth certificate was a forgery. The real secret that the Obama team has been hiding all this time is not that his birth certificate was a forgery, but that there was more than one! The real true honest truth that has remained a secret up until now is that there are actually five Barack Obamas!
You read that right. Barack Obama was actually part of a set of identical quintuplets! The man we know as Barack Hussein Obama actually has four brothers named Barack Hasan Obama, Barack Hakim Obama, Barack Habib Obama, and Barack Harun Obama.
Frankly, it should have been obvious all along. How could one man be a gifted orator, and a gifted writer, and a professor of Constitutional Law, and a community organizer, and a legislator? He couldn't, of course. Each of these specialties is dealt with by one of the Barack Obama brothers.
Why did Obama fumble his own name during his swearing-in ceremony? Because it wasn't his name! The man who took the oath of office was not Barack Hussein Obama, it was one of his brothers! The next day, we heard news accounts of Obama taking the oath of office again in private. That was when Barack Hussein Obama was sworn in. And why has Ruth Bader Ginsberg suddenly taken ill? Could it be because she secretly swore in the other three brothers? Now that her role in the secret ceremony is over, is she being eliminated because she knows too much?
Speak up, America! Demand to know the truth! Do we have one president, or five?
(This conspiracy theory is dedicated to Ben Bova.)