Whither Daniel Zubairi?

Back on October 18, Senator John McCain held a rally at Woodbridge, Virginia. In the course of that rally, a group of McCain supporters led by a Muslim named Daniel Zubairi confronted another McCain supporter who was spewing the usual anti-Muslim hate. Two days later, the incident made the front page of the Daily Kos. Now from the Daily Kos comes word that the McCain campaign is keeping Zubairi from being interviewed by CNN's Rick Sanchez. As Daily Kos diarist Jed L puts it:

It turns out that Sanchez asked Zubairi if he'd be interested in appearing on air to discuss the incident and to help make it clear that the McCain campaign does not condone hateful rhetoric. Zubairi agreed to come on the air -- but just before airtime, he suddenly notified CNN that the McCain campaign had put a muzzle on him, and told him not to discuss the incident.

Sanchez initially noted this on Monday, saying he would try again. Then on Tuesday, he once again tried to get Zubairi on air -- and once again was rebuffed.

Now, a cynical person might think that the reason the McCainiacs are keeping Zubairi off the air is because they're relying on anti-Muslim xenophobia to help them win, and they're afraid they'll offend some xenophobes if they let it become widely known that there are actually some Muslims out there who support McCain. Fortunately, I am a stranger to cynicism, so I'm going to assume that the McCain people are simply trying to protect Zubairi from the sort of media overexposure that has plagued Joe the Plumber since the third presidential debate.

Yeah, I'm sure that's why they're doing it. To protect Zubairi.

Two Scenarios

Scenario One: the Sunday before the election, Barack Obama is seriously injured in an assassination attempt. There is a very good chance he will not live to see inauguration day.

Is Joe Biden ready to lead the nation on January 20, 2009?

The question answers itself.

Scenario Two: the Sunday before the election, word leaks out that John McCain is undergoing extensive treatment for cancer. There is a very good chance he will not live to see inauguration day.

Is Sarah Palin ready to lead the nation on January 20, 2009?

The question answers itself.

Negotiations

It seems the wingnuts are throwing a fit over the fact that the moderator of the vice presidential debate, Gwen Ifill of NPR, has written a book about Barack Obama, and that this disqualifies her for the moderator role. Given that Ifill's book has been in the works for months, this is kind of late in the game to get all huffy about it. What's going on here?

This is how the McCain campaign plans to get Sarah Palin out of the debate. The conversation between the campaigns will go something like this:

McCain: She wrote a book about Obama! Bias! Bias! New moderator or we walk!

Obama: Okay, fine with us. Got anybody else in mind?

McCain: Bill O’Reilly. The moderator has to be Pappa Bear or we walk!

Obama: Welllllll, okay. We can live with that.

McCain: What? No! Did we say Bill O’Reilly? We meant Dana Perino.

Obama: What, Bush’s press secretary?

McCain: Yeah, it’s Dana or nothing.

Obama: Sigh. Okay, Dana Perino.

McCain: No! Wait! We meant to say, uh, uh, uh, John McCain. Yeah! John McCain’s gotta moderate the veep debate or we walk!

Obama: Heavy sigh.

If McCain's people decide that Palin isn't ready for her debate, this is how they'll get her out of it.

The Old Switcheroo

Problem: Sarah Palin sounds like a babbling idiot when she isn't reading from a teleprompter. So how does the McCain campaign keep her from going down in flames during her debate with Joe Biden?

Solution: Offer Tina Fey a ton of money to impersonate Palin during the debate.

Hey Little Sister Shotgun

Stunt casting is the practice of casting big-name celebrities in bit parts in TV series for the purpose of drawing media attention. Now it seems that John McCain has expanded the concept to give us stunt campaigning. First was the choice of Sarah Palin as his running mate, next was his non-suspension suspension of his campaign/bungee-jump to Washington to derail/save the Wall Street bailout bill. Now, according to the The Times, the McCain campaign has announced plans to televise the upcoming shotgun wedding of Palin's pregnant teenage daughter Bristol to Levi Johnston, the dumbass kid who knocked her up.

Expect this to remain the pattern for the rest of the election. McCain is behind Obama in the polls, and there is realistically no way for him to pull ahead short of some terrible blunder by Obama, who is not in the habit of committing terrible blunders. McCain's only hope is to launch a series of ever-more desperate Hail Mary passes and hope one of them succeeds. (Slate has already put up an article predicting McCain's next ten campaign stunts, and Brad at Sadly, No! is polling his readers on what the next stunt will be.)

I predict that in the future, historians discussing the disintegration of the Republican Party will cite the McCain campaign as the event that marked the point of no return.

Blogging Suspended

This is to announce that I am suspending blogging until the current financial crisis has been dealt with. I urge all other bloggers to do the same.

The Low-Information Voter

"That colored fella called the moose lady a pig. That ain't right."

The Approaching Storm

From Tennessee comes word of a crazy right-winger (but I repeat myself) going into a Unitarian church and opening fire on the people attending a children's performance of "Annie", wounding seven and killing two. As usual, the commenters at Sadly, No! put their collective finger on the larger meaning:

Jrod at 5:14

I’m sorry, that’s disgusting… but this is only the beginning. After Obama is elected this sort of thing will become commonplace as these lunatics realize that their ideology has failed.

and SamFromUtah at 5:33

I’ve long believed we’re due for a new Golden Age of Domestic Terrorism triggered by a Democratic inauguration. Something in the collective wingnut psyche cracked forever when Clinton won in ‘92 and they’ve been getting steadily crazier since.

Wise words. Conservatives have been fed on a steady diet of hate by Limbaugh and his countless, countless imitators for the last sixteen years. The election of a black president is going to drive a lot of these people over the line into rage-fueled killing sprees and terrorist attacks.

Get ready, folks. The horror show has just started.

Aware

I am aware of all internet traditions.

Just so you know.

Hillary Clinton Wants My Money

Democratic runner-up Hillary Clinton sent me a letter yesterday that reads:

Dear Johnny,

After 46 contests and over 28 million votes being cast,

Note that she's still clinging to her "victories" in the Florida and Michigan noncontests.

we are in a neck-and-neck race with Senator Obama.

Obama has 168 (and counting) more pledged delegates and 22 (and counting) more superdelegates than Clinton, so they're neck-and-neck. In related news, the Cleveland Indians are still running neck-and-neck with the Boston Red Sox in the 2007 ALCS, being only one game behind.

Following a great victory in Pennsylvania, where we were outspent 5-to-1,

Because we spent all our money before Super Tuesday and don't have any left.

we head into the final 6 weeks of the nominating process with great momentum --

Except for all those superdelegates who've been endorsing Obama lately.

a momentum on which we need to keep building.

By begging for money and not admitting that we can't win.

This month we face critical tests in Indiana, North Carolina, West Virginia, Kentucky and Oregon.

Three of which have already gone by. Not only is the Clinton campaign losing, they're also pretty damn slow off the mark with their mass mailings. And for the record, those three critical tests ended in a big win, a narrow win, and a very big loss.

I need you to join our campaign today

Senator Clinton, you needed me to join your campaign back in January. Now it's way way way too late.

because this race is so close

See delegate totals above.

that the decision you make could be the difference between winning and losing.

Or not. See delegate totals above.

Can I count on you to help by rushing a gift of $100 or even $75 so that our campaign will have the resources needed to succeed?

Even if I had the money to spare (which I don't), I certainly wouldn't waste it on your doomed presidential campaign. I'd send it to someone who could actually win, like Darcy Burner or Scott Kleeb.

Johnny, I promise you that as long as I have your support, as long as you are fighting by my side, I will work as hard as I can to win. We will keep fighting because America is worth fighting for.

Say, does that mean that if you don't have my support, then you'll give up? Because you don't. Will you be dropping out of the race and endorsing Senator Obama now?

With your support today,

Or not. See above.

we can show them once again that we're in this to win.

By "them" I take it you mean "us" Obama supporters. I repeat, does this mean that if you don't have my support today, you'll stop trying to show me once again that you're in this to win?

Thank you in advance for joining our campaign.

And thank you in advance for dropping out and endorsing Obama. And for crisscrossing the country making speeches on his behalf. And for appearing on the cable news shows and the Sunday morning bobblehead shows and talking about what a great president he's going to be and what a horrible president McCain would be. And additional thanks in advance to your husband for doing the same. And thanks in advance to your friend and advisor Mark Penn for not writing any more of his dumbass books, and for waiving the balance of the money you owe him in recognition of the sorry job of strategizing he did for you.

Top Ten Skeletons in Barack Obama's Closet

Some Democrats are worried that the GOP Has Something on Barack Obama, and that a week before the election they'll drop a bombshell that will destroy Obama's electability. And it turns out they're right. By means of sources I am not at liberty to reveal, I have obtained a report from GOP oppo researchers listing the top ten skeletons in Obama's closet. Expect to see one or more of these revealed on Matt Drudge's website in late October:

10. Barack Obama's real parents are Louis Farrakhan and Jane Fonda.
9. Barack Obama is the Unabomber.
8. Barack Obama cut off John Wayne Bobbitt's penis.
7. During the Nevada caucuses, Barack Obama killed a man in Reno just to watch him die.
6. Barack Obama sank the Titanic AND the Lusitania.
5. Barack Obama assassinated Archduke Franz Ferdinand.
4. Barack Obama invented crack cocaine.
3. Barack Obama causes lung cancer.
2. Barack Obama murdered Vince Foster.

And the number one skeleton in Barack Obama's closet:
1. Barack Obama is actually black!

My Letter from James Carville

James Carville is the reptilian Democratic political consultant who oversaw Bill Clinton's victory in the 1992 presidential election. Since then, he and his partner Paul Begala have been hanging around the Democratic Party like a bad smell. In 2000, he and Begala penned a noteworthy piece in the Washington Monthly in which they urged Vice President Al Gore to choose Zell Miller as his running mate. Gore didn't choose Miller, but his actual choice, Joe Lieberman, proved to be the next best thing; he has chosen to follow in Miller's footsteps by giving the Democratic Party the middle finger and giving a great big Democrat-bashing speech at the Republican National Convention.

More recently, Carville has been omnipresent on the cable news networks, pontificating on the state of the Democratic primary race. The fact that he was actually a Hillary Clinton partisan, rather than the objective observer that he and the cable networks liked to pretend he was, led to his suspension from CNN after repeated complaints from the Obama campaign. Carville's most recent brush with notoriety came last month, when he responded to Governor Bill Richardson's endorsement of Obama by comparing him to Judas Iscariot.

And now, Senator Chuck Schumer, chairman of the Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee, has enlisted Carville's help to raise money for the DSCC. I got a letter from Carville today asking me to donate to the DSCC, and presumably this same letter went out to hundreds of thousands of other Democrats, the majority of whom are likely to be Obama supporters.

I can sort of see why Schumer would pick Carville, since the two of them are both high-level Hillary supporters. But you have to wonder how out-of-touch Schumer has to be to use such a divisive figure to try to solicit money. If I had been inclined to send the DSCC some turkee, this letter would have made me change my mind, and I can't imagine that the legion of Obama supporters who are also receiving this letter are going to feel any different.

Senator Schumer, what in tarnation are you thinking?

Lessons from the Bush Administration

Even though we've still got at least ten more months to go before George W. Bush gives up his stolen office, it's not too early to go over some of the most important lessons we've learned since he seized power after the 2000 election.

1. When a Republican tries to steal an election, don't let him!

2. When a Republican tries to start a war, don't let him!

3. When a Republican tries to break the law, don't let him!

Simple enough lessons to learn, you might think. So simple, in fact, that you wouldn't actually have to see them play out in real life to know what good lessons they are.

So why are there so many people among the D.C. power elite who still haven't learned them?

Private Hilton Does His Part

The year is 1943.

On the Kentish coast of England is a soldier -- let's call him Hilton, Private Clint Hilton -- manning an anti-aircraft gun. One day, Pvt. Hilton starts firing his AA gun at Allied bombers as they pass overhead on their way to Occupied Europe. Being a fairly proficient chap, he manages to score a couple of hits.

Needless to say, it isn't long before Bomber Command gets wind of Pvt. Hilton's activities, and they send a very angry Group Captain round to have a talk with him.

"Hilton, you blasted idiot! What the bloody hell are you doing firing at our aircraft!" the Group Captain demands.

"Well, sir," Hilton replies earnestly, "what I reckoned was, this is just the sort of thing our lads are going to be facing from Jerry once they cross the Channel. And if they can't take it from me, they certainly won't be able to stand up to Jerry. So, better we find out now while the lads are still on our side of the Channel."

The Group Captain thought this over, then finally said, "I suppose you've got a point, at that. Right then, Private. Carry on!"

"Yes, sir!" Hilton said with a salute, then went back to manning his gun.

Harry Reid's Worst Nightmare

This is it, folks. Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid's worst nightmare has come to pass.

The Pertekt Amurrica Act has expired, and all that stands between our nation and the Terrorist Hordes is the crappy old Foreign Intelligence Surveillence Act. Our valiant telecommunications corporations have not been granted retroactive immunity for all the laws they broke at the behest of Our Mighty Wartime President. Worst of all, the hooray-for-Gestapo-tactics wing of the GOP is on the warpath and in full pants-wetting mode.

And you know what? Nobody gives a rat's patootie. The sky hasn't fallen, the country hasn't been invaded by an army of terrorists, and the Democratic Party isn't collapsing.

We definitely need to get ourselves a new Senate Majority Leader.

Conservative Communism: Chapter 1

Conservative Communism: The Secret History of the American Right, From Gerrard Winstanley to Grover Norquist

Chapter 1. Oliver's Army Are On Their Way: The Origins of Conservative Communism

It was inevitable that the intellectual origins of conservative communism should be found in Oliver Cromwell's New Model Army, since the English Civil War represented the first major conflict between conservative communism and liberal fascism. Just as the Roundheads represent the origins of conservative communism, so the Cavaliers represent the origins of liberal fascism. As Michael Stipe has pointed out,

Watch a heel crush, crush. Uh oh, this means no fear - Cavalier. Renegade and steer clear! ¹

The authoritarian libertines who supported King Charles I intended to create the world's first liberal fascist regime -- a regime combining the Divine Right of Kings and liberalism's metrosexual fashion sense, as represented by their 17th-century manifestations: ostrich plumes and elaborate curled wigs.

Opposing them were the world's first conservative communists, the Roundheads: sober, conservatively dressed members of the New Model Army quoting the Bible in support of communitarian ideals.

¹ Stipe, Michael, "It's the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine)", as quoted in Document, I.R.S. Records, 1987.

[Adam, you get the idea. I'll fill in some stuff about the Putney Debates and the Levellers and Diggers later. Maybe I can get some of my blog readers to send me some stuff.]

Conservative Communism: Introduction

Conservative Communism: The Collectivist Conspiracy From Hegel to Happy Meals

Introduction.

A specter is haunting America -- the specter of conservative communism. All the powers of liberal fascism have entered into an unholy alliance to exorcise this specter: social worker and college professor, Moulitsas and Soros, San Francisco homosexuals and New York intellectuals.

This book will present a very serious, thoughtful argument that has never been made in such detail or with such care: that the roots of the modern-day American conservative movement can be found in the works of Marx and Engels, Lenin and Stalin, Mao and Pol Pot. We (and when I say "we", I of course speak of myself as a member of the conservative collective) will trace the intellectual roots of conservative communism from its origins in the 17th century conservative communitarian religious factions of Cromwellian England. I will follow that strain of belief as it is introduced into colonial America by such notable conservative communitarians as William Penn and Mother Ann Lee. I will examine the cross-pollination of ideas between 19th-century American religious communists and European secular communists. And finally, I will trace the convergence of these two communistic impulses into the modern Republican Party, the "Grand Old Revolutionary Vanguard Party", with its vast array of think tanks, media outlets, radical journals, revolutionary "militia" cells, warblogs, and self-reinforcing mytho-ideology.

It is a common misconception to regard communism as an ideology of the "left". This is due to the confusion between the "classical" communism of William Penn and Karl Marx, and the aberrant "leftist" strain of communism as practiced by the notorious "free-love" communes of the 1960s. One of the goals of this book will be to disentagle "classical" communism from its many hippie-inspired leftist variants and restore it to its proper place within the continuum of conservative thought.

Another goal of this book will be to take a look at the current field of Republican presidential candidates and show how conservative communism informs the ideology of each, albeit in different ways, from the Penn-derived religious communitarianism of former Arkansas governor Michael Huckabee to the descendant of Leninist War Communism that has been one of the driving forces of the George W. Bush administration and of the campaigns of Arizona Senator John McCain and former New York City mayor Rudolph Giuliani.

Finally, this book will serve as a counterpoint to that of my fellow conservative communist intellectual Jonah Goldberg. Just as Goldberg has served to warn America about the threat posed by liberal fascism, so I hope to reassure a fearful nation that conservative communism remains the central ideology of the Republican Party, and that that ideology will continue to serve as a blueprint for the ongoing radical restructuring of America into a collectivist conservative utopia.

A Specter is Haunting Sadly, No!

The specter of Conservative Communism.

Race and the Democratic Primary

Ever since Senator Barack Obama announced his presidential campaign, one issue has dominated his candidacy more than any other, and following his first place showing in the Iowa caucuses and his close second-place finish in the New Hampshire primary, that issue has now come to the forefront. I'm talking, of course, about Race.

Roger "Race" Bannon has been a close friend of Senator Obama since the latter's childhood. Readers of Obama's Dreams from My Father will recall the story of Obama's 1970 meeting in Jakarta with Bannon and his companions, Dr. Benton Quest and Quest's son Jonathan and ward Hadji Singh. Although their initial meeting in Jakarta lasted only a few days, Obama became close friends with Bannon and the Quests, often visiting Bannon and the Quests at their compound in Key Palm, Florida, and rooming with Jonathan Quest when the two attended Columbia University together.

Bannon of course is a well-known gay rights activist, first gaining notoriety after being expelled from the Secret Service in 1971 after openly acknowledging his relationship with Dr. Quest. Since then, Bannon and Quest have been at the forefront of the gay rights movement, being among the first gay couples to marry after Massachusetts legalized gay marriage in 2004.

Obama's longstanding friendship with Bannon first surfaced as an issue in 2004 during his run for the United States Senate. During a televised debate with his Republican opponent, Alan Keyes, on October 21, Keyes denounced Bannon and Quest's relationship in harsh, uncompromising language and called upon Obama to prove his commitment to Christianity by renouncing his friendship with them. Obama refused to do so.

Despite his friendship with Bannon, Obama's relations with the gay community have not always gone smoothly. His inclusion of anti-gay gospel singer Donnie McClurkin in a concert tour in South Carolina in October 2007 led to friction with gay rights activists, a dispute that Bannon and Quest chose not to comment on in public.

Now that Obama is one of the Democratic frontrunners, the issue of Race Bannon is once again receiving attention, as supporters of Senator Hillary Clinton drop hints that Obama's close ties with the controversial former government agent may cost him support in the general election in November. Obama supporters, in their turn, have been accusing the Clinton campaign of engaging in gay-bashing. If sparring between the two campaigns degenerates into open warfare, the Race Bannon issue may wreck the best chance Democrats have had in a generation of attaining a clear electoral mandate for a progressive agenda.

Alan Keyes and History

Jeff Fecke, a component of the blogospheric hive mind known as Shakesville, has posted the latest edition of his GOP Power Rankings on the current state of the Republican presidential race. Amidst the well-merited liberal schadenfreude (the post is subtitled "Someone's Gotta Win, Right?), Fecke has this to say on the subject of Alan Keyes, whom he ranks ninth and last:

Alan Keyes received a grand total of 220 votes in New Hampshire. I'll wager you a friendly bet that I could get 220 votes in New Hampshire. Alan Keyes is no longer a joke merely among Democrats; he's just a joke. That said, he's a joke that never stops being funny, so here's hoping he stays in the race a long time. I can't wait to hear how he manages to blame global warming on abortion.

Fecke is not alone in finding Keyes a source of amusement. The commenters at Balloon Juice had what amounts to an online party when news reached them that Keyes had qualified for a spot in the Des Moines Register/Iowa Public Television presidential debate on December 12.

Clearly, then, Keyes plays a vital role in adding entertainment value to the Republican presidential race. Fecke hopes he stays in the race a long time, and that got my thinking. Will Keyes stay in the race till the bitter end? What was his motivation for running in the first place? That's when the year 1860 occurred to me.

The 1860 presidential election was, hands down, the most important in American history. The Republicans were a recently-cobbled-together antislavery party confined entirely to the North, the nation's first major regional party. The Democrats had split in two when Southern Democrats broke with their insufficiently-proslavery Northern colleagues. And in an eerie foreshadowing of Unity08, the Constitutional Unionists attempted to create a centrist party that ignored the slavery issue completely.

Among the free states, the election was a contest between Republican candidate Abraham "Honest Abe" Lincoln and Northern Democratic candidate Stephen "The Little Giant" Douglas. This was particularly interesting because two years before, Lincoln and Douglas had faced each other in a race for a senate seat from Illinois.

And this brings us to Alan Keyes, who faced Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama four years ago for . . . a senate seat from Illinois. (Disappointingly, the seat in play in 1858 was not the seat in play in 2004. Obama's colleague Dick Durbin currently occupies the Lincoln-Douglas seat.) In the extrordinarily unlikely event that Keyes wins the Republican nomination, we could see a repeat of the Lincoln-Douglas rematch.

The Illinois senate elections of 1858 and 2004 were both historically important elections. The 1858 contest produced the famous Lincoln-Douglas debates, which served to crystallize Northern opinion on the subject of slavery. The 2004 contest quantified the Crazification Factor, which is the percentage of the population that will vote for any Republican, however crazy, over any Democrat, however sane.

In both the 1858 and 2004 senate elections, the Democrat defeated the Republican, though Douglas' victory over Lincoln was a narrow one, and Obama's victory over Keyes was overwhelming. As noted above, both men are now running for president, though Obama is one of the Democratic frontrunners and Keyes has practically no support among Republicans.

Is Keyes basing his presidential hopes on somehow replicating Abraham Lincoln's victory over his onetime senate race opponent? I have no idea, but I'm willing to bet that if you used the Vulcan mind meld on Keyes, you'd find that the answer is yes.