Conservative Communism: The Collectivist Conspiracy From Hegel to Happy Meals
A specter is haunting America -- the specter of conservative communism. All the powers of liberal fascism have entered into an unholy alliance to exorcise this specter: social worker and college professor, Moulitsas and Soros, San Francisco homosexuals and New York intellectuals.
This book will present a very serious, thoughtful argument that has never been made in such detail or with such care: that the roots of the modern-day American conservative movement can be found in the works of Marx and Engels, Lenin and Stalin, Mao and Pol Pot. We (and when I say "we", I of course speak of myself as a member of the conservative collective) will trace the intellectual roots of conservative communism from its origins in the 17th century conservative communitarian religious factions of Cromwellian England. I will follow that strain of belief as it is introduced into colonial America by such notable conservative communitarians as William Penn and Mother Ann Lee. I will examine the cross-pollination of ideas between 19th-century American religious communists and European secular communists. And finally, I will trace the convergence of these two communistic impulses into the modern Republican Party, the "Grand Old Revolutionary Vanguard Party", with its vast array of think tanks, media outlets, radical journals, revolutionary "militia" cells, warblogs, and self-reinforcing mytho-ideology.
It is a common misconception to regard communism as an ideology of the "left". This is due to the confusion between the "classical" communism of William Penn and Karl Marx, and the aberrant "leftist" strain of communism as practiced by the notorious "free-love" communes of the 1960s. One of the goals of this book will be to disentagle "classical" communism from its many hippie-inspired leftist variants and restore it to its proper place within the continuum of conservative thought.
Another goal of this book will be to take a look at the current field of Republican presidential candidates and show how conservative communism informs the ideology of each, albeit in different ways, from the Penn-derived religious communitarianism of former Arkansas governor Michael Huckabee to the descendant of Leninist War Communism that has been one of the driving forces of the George W. Bush administration and of the campaigns of Arizona Senator John McCain and former New York City mayor Rudolph Giuliani.
Finally, this book will serve as a counterpoint to that of my fellow conservative communist intellectual Jonah Goldberg. Just as Goldberg has served to warn America about the threat posed by liberal fascism, so I hope to reassure a fearful nation that conservative communism remains the central ideology of the Republican Party, and that that ideology will continue to serve as a blueprint for the ongoing radical restructuring of America into a collectivist conservative utopia.
What is communism but an attempt to return humanity to its oldest social system of the communitarian tribes of gatherer-hunter groups. You can't possibly get more conservative!
It's about time someone has the courage to expose the Edmund Burke's of the world for what they really are. . . pinkos. I for one, applaud your bravery and, what I'm sure will be, your solid academic endeavor. All that's left is to find a place for your Pulitzer™.
You beat me to this joke, darn it! Well you did a good job with it, it's funny and it really points out the absurdity of terms like "liberal fascist."
It is a pity that you will not be as well compensated for your joke as Goldberg is for his.
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