Tuesday, June 2, 2009

The end of the Collective

While the Republican National Committee's recent "Democrat Socialist Party" resolution brou-ha-ha had its amusing aspects, it's important to keep the larger meaning in mind. After all, the last time the Republicans decided to change the other party's name, they didn't bother calling an emergency meeting of the RNC and voting on a resolution. Instead, the central GOP hive mind at Unimatrix Zero One simply issued a telepathic command to the drones that from that point on everyone should refer to the Democratic Party as the "Democrat Party", and from that point on every drone in the GOP did just that.

However, since Captain Obama destroyed Unimatrix Zero One seven months ago, the Republican Collective has been suffering from collective dementia, going into a series of spasmodic frenzies over teabags, teleprompters, car dealerships, and mustard. When the Federalist Party died, it went out with a certain amount of dignity, helped along no doubt by its most prominent figure, the always-dignified Daniel Webster. Given that the Republican Party's most prominent figures are a drug-addled sex tourist, a serial adulterer, and a war criminal, it seems pretty unlikely that the word "dignity" will figure in any future accounts of the Republican Party's decline and fall.

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